"THERE IS SIMPLY THE ROSE"

There comes a time in ones life when you realize you're not as young as you once were. And when you hit that point in life, you also realize that there's no going back. You can be surrounded by young people and feel their energy and become so entranced by it and part of it that you feel you are as young as them. But you're not. They know it and see it but you don't. You'll look in the mirror and see you, and you see what you've always seen, though maybe you acknowledge, reluctantly, that you've changed and continue to. And seem to faster these days.

If I could say anything about life after 35 is that aging speeds up. I feel from 25 to 35 I didn't change that much. Weight would go up or down sometimes, but "I" stayed the same physically. But that's changing now. And how do I feel about that?

Well, I guess I realize I can't be lazy anymore if I want to take care of myself. And I have been lazy. I have been blessed (thank goodness) with a pretty healthy existence here on planet earth. (knock on wood) I have heard SO many horrible stories of bad health problems assaulting people and laying them low. I know people who have been killed by them.

There's a girl in the summer theater camp where I work who's mother passed away years ago from some crazy brain issue. I don't remember what. Some kind of growth or disease that withered her and put her in her grave in a short amount of time. A rare thing. Out of the blue.

I performed with her mother two times in my life, in the musicals Camelot and West Side Story with a local community theater group. I always liked her. She was always sweet, funny and friendly, and was a talented actress, dancer and singer. Her husband, a man I've performed with in the same shows, and who has been my director in another show, has never remarried. Their daughter is now 10 or so and I met her today for the first time and she said her father told her about me. She seemed to like that I knew him. I don't know why but I felt some kind of connection with her. Or felt one from her to me.

I didn't know if I should mention her mother or not. That I knew her too. She was 3 or so when her mother died and so I guess she doesn't even remember her, though I know full well she's been well informed about her. I eventually told her I performed with her mother. I'm guessing I'm not the first person she's met in our area who's said that to her. Her mother performed with so many people. She didn't seem saddened by that and just nodded her head with a smile. For some reason I wanted her to know I knew her mom and enjoyed spending time with her. I guess as she grows older and maybe wants to know more about her as she becomes a woman herself, the number of people who knew and spent time with her mom will grow smaller and smaller.

And it brings me back to the overall passage of time and of life in general. How this woman I knew had a daughter and not long after, was taken from her. And now here is her child, growing up fast and heading towards her own adulthood. The connection and thread of life continuing. They also have a son who was 5 when it happened. And life goes on. Its amazing. Maria, her mother, is gone but they are not. She's part of her son and daughter. And always will be.

I don't know why I went down this road. But it makes me think of my own life and how I'm getting older and I have no 10 year old daughter of my own. I have no children, no thread I'm leaving behind. I have an older brother and a younger sister that have children. My amazingly cute and (also) quickly aging nephews. The oldest is two. They carry the family genes in them and so on that front I spoze my biological duties have been fulfilled by my siblings. I could have another nephew who comes out looking and acting like me. With my quick wit, amazing good looks and unlimited athletic ability. (cue barf)

I guess at the end of the day there comes a time in ones life when you realize you're not as young as you once were. And when you hit that point in life, you also realize that there's no going back. And its an interesting feeling is all. Makes you wonder where you've been and why. Where you're going and why. And how you maybe never thought about it as clearly before. Never noticed. Or didn't want to. Thinking you were still as young as the youth around you. Choosing to see what you wanted.

But I don't mind appreciating the process. Taking time to smell and observe the roses. For they're beautiful in the end. Always beautiful.

"These roses under my window make no reference to former roses or to better ones; they are for what they are; they exist with God to-day. There is no time to them. There is simply the rose; it is perfect in every moment of its existence. Before a leaf-bud has burst, its whole life acts; in the full-blown flower, there is no more; in the leafless root, there is no less. Its nature is satisfied, and it satisfies nature, in all moments alike. There is no time to it. But man postpones or remembers; he does not live in the present, but with reverted eye laments the past, or, heedless of the riches that surround him, stands on tiptoe to foresee the future. He cannot be happy and strong until he too lives with nature in the present, above time." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

MJW

SHOCK OF AGES

Aging is one of the more fascinating facts of life.

I'm in my thirties, and I'm well aware that I'm not the same physically as I was when I was ten. Nor do I lament not being ten anymore. And that's the thing about aging that has struck me the last few weeks.

On FaceBook an old friend had an ongoing dialogue with people about how old he feels (he's a year younger than me) and all the aches and pains and his memory is going and so on. How aging is nothing to look forward to and what a drag.

My father constantly moans and groans when he gets up out of his lazy-boy or moves a wrong way and gets a pain or ache, and he'll say something about getting old, or re-tell what his grandfather told him when he was little, "Never grow old."

Now, I can only imagine how I will have to deal with the fact I can't walk like I used to, or as fast as I used to and so on. To lose ever increasing levels of independence when you reach later years in life and people have to do things for you that you used to do for yourself. Experiencing what Shakespeare called "second childishness" during old old age (As You Like It, Act 2, Scene 7, from the famous "All the world's a stage" monologue),  "sans teeth, sans eyes, sans everything." (sans = without)

Frustrating no doubt. Something that one has a genuine right to dislike having to deal with or anticipate coming down the road, if the road continues that far. But what surprises me is the shock people seem to exhibit as well.

As if they didn't see it coming. I mean, like I mentioned above - I can't do all the things I could do when I was ten - run forever without tiring, climb a tree in the blink of an eye, contort my body like a pretzel playing twister and feel no stress, strain, aches the day after.

Nor do I lament the fact I'm not ten. Or fifteen. Or 20 anymore. Fact is, I've been changing my whole life. I'm aware of this. I think we all are. We may not LIKE it, but we're AWARE of it, yes?

But people I've talked to lately seem to feel as if ignoring the fact they're aging will make it not happen. I mean, didn't my dad see his grandfather go through aging and death? His parents, my grandparents died 6 years ago now and they went through it. And we all know people in our family or without, or see elderly people in the course of life who are going through it. (and I mean no disrespect to my dad. He did have knee surgery a few years ago and they seemed to have made things worse than better)

But the shock that its happening to us does not compute for me. Disappointment? Understandable. Adjustment? Yes. But can we really be shocked its happening? Surprised?

I do feel American pop culture stresses youth to no end. Television shows and movies are almost all exclusively cast with 20 or 30 somethings (or younger) in the lead roles. Commercials bombard us with, "Be Young, Drink Pepsi", or their more recent, "Stay Forever Young" campaign. Products to dye gray out of your hair (and then put a little gray BACK - can you believe it?), anti-aging creams, weight loss pills, wrinkle-removers, the list goes on and on.

So can we blame pop culture? Human nature? Instincts of self preservation?

I don't know. What I do know is that we age. We grow, change and pass away and I don't feel this is some evil to be ignored and thus shocked by. Whether you think it is or isn't happening, its happening. Naturally. Its the way things are. You can roll with the way things are or go against it. It doesn't care. But I feel going with it will make the experience more harmonious. I won't say, "happier", cause life ain't all happiness. Never is nor will be nor is supposed to be. Its a balance of up and down. A cycle of highs and lows. Thus my use of the word harmony.

All my opinion of course. (hence being my blog) May take some practice to keep mindful of it, but its possible. Its an attitudinal thing. We can choose to complain and keep the negative feelings in the forefront, continuously listing what we're losing instead of all we've got. Its up to you.

Until next time, fellow ager...

MJW