I'm in my thirties, and I'm well aware that I'm not the same physically as I was when I was ten. Nor do I lament not being ten anymore. And that's the thing about aging that has struck me the last few weeks.
On FaceBook an old friend had an ongoing dialogue with people about how old he feels (he's a year younger than me) and all the aches and pains and his memory is going and so on. How aging is nothing to look forward to and what a drag.
My father constantly moans and groans when he gets up out of his lazy-boy or moves a wrong way and gets a pain or ache, and he'll say something about getting old, or re-tell what his grandfather told him when he was little, "Never grow old."
Now, I can only imagine how I will have to deal with the fact I can't walk like I used to, or as fast as I used to and so on. To lose ever increasing levels of independence when you reach later years in life and people have to do things for you that you used to do for yourself. Experiencing what Shakespeare called "second childishness" during old old age (As You Like It, Act 2, Scene 7, from the famous "All the world's a stage" monologue), "sans teeth, sans eyes, sans everything." (sans = without)
Frustrating no doubt. Something that one has a genuine right to dislike having to deal with or anticipate coming down the road, if the road continues that far. But what surprises me is the shock people seem to exhibit as well.
As if they didn't see it coming. I mean, like I mentioned above - I can't do all the things I could do when I was ten - run forever without tiring, climb a tree in the blink of an eye, contort my body like a pretzel playing twister and feel no stress, strain, aches the day after.
Nor do I lament the fact I'm not ten. Or fifteen. Or 20 anymore. Fact is, I've been changing my whole life. I'm aware of this. I think we all are. We may not LIKE it, but we're AWARE of it, yes?
But people I've talked to lately seem to feel as if ignoring the fact they're aging will make it not happen. I mean, didn't my dad see his grandfather go through aging and death? His parents, my grandparents died 6 years ago now and they went through it. And we all know people in our family or without, or see elderly people in the course of life who are going through it. (and I mean no disrespect to my dad. He did have knee surgery a few years ago and they seemed to have made things worse than better)
But the shock that its happening to us does not compute for me. Disappointment? Understandable. Adjustment? Yes. But can we really be shocked its happening? Surprised?
I do feel American pop culture stresses youth to no end. Television shows and movies are almost all exclusively cast with 20 or 30 somethings (or younger) in the lead roles. Commercials bombard us with, "Be Young, Drink Pepsi", or their more recent, "Stay Forever Young" campaign. Products to dye gray out of your hair (and then put a little gray BACK - can you believe it?), anti-aging creams, weight loss pills, wrinkle-removers, the list goes on and on.
So can we blame pop culture? Human nature? Instincts of self preservation?
I don't know. What I do know is that we age. We grow, change and pass away and I don't feel this is some evil to be ignored and thus shocked by. Whether you think it is or isn't happening, its happening. Naturally. Its the way things are. You can roll with the way things are or go against it. It doesn't care. But I feel going with it will make the experience more harmonious. I won't say, "happier", cause life ain't all happiness. Never is nor will be nor is supposed to be. Its a balance of up and down. A cycle of highs and lows. Thus my use of the word harmony.
All my opinion of course. (hence being my blog) May take some practice to keep mindful of it, but its possible. Its an attitudinal thing. We can choose to complain and keep the negative feelings in the forefront, continuously listing what we're losing instead of all we've got. Its up to you.
Until next time, fellow ager...
MJW
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